Reflections: 6 months later

I have been thinking a lot lately about how I should update my blog and let everyone know what I've been thinking about since my return to the US.  I must be completely honest, it has NOT been all sunshine and daisies.  For the first few weeks after my return, I was asked incessantly, "Are you glad to be back?"  This was a really tricky question for me, and I trained myself to just respond with, "Yes."  Sometimes, it felt true, and a lot of times, the only thing I wanted was to get back on a plane to Manila that moment. 

It wasn't a lie that I was glad to be back.  I was glad to be back, because I knew with confidence that I was following the Lord's leading in my life.  But following the Lord's leading is usually not EASY, just as it was not easy to leave my comfort zone a year and a half ago and head out to the other side of the world on my own.  I just mean that I didn't come home giddy and excited, with a smile on my face at all times.  I was mourning for the Philippines.  I was mourning for the friendships that I left behind.  And I still am, even today, at this very moment.  Mourning for that time of my life where God stretched me beyond what I expected and changed me to the very core.

I think about the Philippines every day.  That is the understatement of the year.  Every comment, song, store, book, etc...everything reminds me of some memory from the Philippines.  It is constantly on my mind.  I have had to train myself to not begin every comment with, "When I was in the Philippines...."--some of you out there may think that I am not trying hard enough, but I promise that I am holding back most of it!

As Christmas approaches, I find it very interesting how I am homesick for the Philippines the way I was homesick for Virginia last Christmas.  I skyped with my "Philifam" over the weekend when they were celebrating Christmas together, and it broke my heart that I couldn't be in the room with them, exchanging gifts and giving them each a hug.  Last Christmas, I felt the same way about my family.  My heart is in two places now and forever will be.  I feel split in half.

Emmanuel.  God with us.  This was the theme of our elementary Christmas party last year at Faith Academy, and it encourages me today as much as it did then, when I missed my family and felt alone.  I know God is with me wherever I am.  He is not split in half like me.  He doesn't have to choose where He'll be or who He'll be with.  I know He is with me and He is with my wonderful friends in the Philippines, and I know that Christmas is entirely about God making a way for us to be with Him through His son, Jesus.

The most important lesson I learned in the Philippines is that God is taking care of me--always.  When I left, I was scared out of my mind that I wouldn't have any friends.  In hindsight, that was such a silly thing to worry about, because God blessed me with amazing friends.  Thank you Wendy, Meg, Leo, Kelli, Ted, Katy, Karen, and Ruth for the blessing you were and are in my life.  Coming home hasn't been easy.  Friends have moved on to other places, gotten married, had babies...and it's easy for me to worry about my friendships.  But I know that the Lord has always taken care of me in the past.  He did incredible things in my life last year, and I trust that He will continue to take care of me each day.

Just to take it from a kind of somber/serious note to a more exciting note, here are a few things that have been spectacular since my return to the US:

I went to Disneyland for the first time with my niece....

 

My friends Kelli and Leo got to hang with my parents...

 

I spent Thanksgiving with my family eating my mom's delicious turkey and the best sweet potato casserole known to man (my sister-in-law is very talented)!

 

I witnessed the Cavaliers get crushed by the Hokies.  Amazing.

And best of all, I have gotten to know this sweet girl! 

 

So I am hopeful about the future and the many exciting things ahead.  There will always be a piece of me that longs for the Philippines...hopefully, I'll be able to manage a visit back sometime soon!